Growth is a normal part of life. I am not the same person I was a year ago, a week ago, or even yesterday. Everybody goes through changes and so too do our our tastes. Some things remain constant over the years, while others don’t. What I liked yesterday, I may not like next week—it’s a part of life. However, there has been one constant over the years, and that is my love of boys love media. I am a proud fujoshi.
Was I always so frank in my love of the genre, no, not at all. I was at one point afraid to even look at BL for fear that I would somehow be labeled as unclean (mostly because I was raised in Black, southern, Christian home where most fun stuff was frowned upon). Even after I stumbled into the genre, I was ashamed to admit that I even liked boys love media. It was something I did in the dark, hidden away from prying eyes. Even among friends who who liked anime, I was not free to speak of my growing love of Boys Love.
Which considering how open I am now about boys love, is kind of hilarious, because I literally have it everywhere. I’ve got over 300 volumes of BL manga in my house, and don’t get me started on my fave ships—my love of BakuDeku is a running gag on my streams because of how often I talk about it. So it’s wild to think that in the year of our BL gods, twenty-twenty-three; I still get comments like this from assholes on the internet.
Seriously, this is what we on today?
But, I have to give credit where credit is due. Because of this comment, I actually had to go back and revisit one of the first posts I wrote from all the way back in 2015. I don’t do that often, because honestly my posts from back then are cringy as fuck. But, since this asshole was able to find it in the vast expanses of the internet, I figured, I had better re-read it to see if I still stand by my words… and surprise, surprise, I discovered I have grown considerably in my fandom since 2015.
It was like reading something written by a stranger, aside from a few remarks, I don’t recognize the me that wrote that article. It’s like we’re two different people and yet, I know that is where I was within the fandom at that time. It’s a snapshot of a less worldly version of me.
I was 24, almost 25, when I wrote “I Kinda Sorta Like Yaoi…”, to put that into context SuBLime had only been around for 4 years at that point. The types of BL we had access to were somewhere between Junjo Romantica and the Finder series and Boku no Pico or whatever else you could find on the internet. Hell, I got my start with Gravitation back in 2007, and in my quest for more, I found myself in some really dark corners of the internet. Not to mention the types of stories that were being published back then, they’re not even close to the variety of boys love stories we’re getting now. Problematic couples, stereotypes, and questionable LGBT+ representation was the norm. It was slim pickin’s and you made due with what you had and it was through that very narrow lens that some of my early opinions on Boys Love media were formed.
So it’s no wonder I don’t recognize the me that wrote that article, because not only have I grown, but, so much about the genre and the fandom has changed as well. In the past most of the BL media I consumed came from Japan, but now we have stuff coming from Korea, China, Thailand, and even here in the West. This has opened up the genre to so many new perspectives and stories that weren’t as readily available in the past.
Because of these new ideas, I’ve come to be more open about aspects of the fandom that I shied away from in the past, like shipping. When I first wrote, “So I Kinda Sorta Like Yaoi…” I was not an avid shipper, in fact I kind of hated it. Back then I felt like if it wasn’t canon, then it didn’t need to exist. Now, I see pairings everywhere and I’m an avid reader of fanfics. Some of my favorite ships are rare-pairs.
I’ve outgrown many of my outdated fandom viewpoints and a lot of that is thanks to how far the genre and the fandom has come over the years. Boys love is not a shameful thing you consume in the dark of night. It’s become much more mainstream.
Hell, we even have designated BL imprints for novelizations, webcomics, drama series, mainstream and indie video games, anime series (not just OVAs). Most of all the types of stories we get are so much more robust. Folks used to joke that BL was just sex with(out) plot.
Archetypes and tropes that were the norm back in the day are gradually shifting. Gone are the days of meek and submissive bottoms and emotionally stunted tops. Now there is more of an effort to depict more realistic relationships, characters, and stories from a variety of genres within the fandom. Of course, if you want your problematic faves, there’s still plenty of that too, but there’s also so much more to explore.
I can’t wait to see where the boys love genre goes in the future and with it my own growth within the fandom. So, thanks Asshole, without your comment this post would not exist.
How far have you grown within the fandom? Has your view on boys love changed over the years? I’d love to hear from you down in the comments!
I’ve read my first BL manga this year. I think it was called i’m kind of chubby and I’m still your hero. I think its BL anyway. But as someone who is an outsider. Its been cool seeing the community grow. Actually becoming a healthier space for fans and people looking for stories that reflect their life.
Thank you for stopping by and sharing!! 💜 I’m kinda chubby and I’m still your hero is super cute (I remember you mentioning picking it up at the library), I wish we had more series like it when I started out.
The fandom and the genre has grown so much over the years and just like you said it is a much healthier space and I am 100% here for it!
Oh Gravitation, I remember you. I remember first being exposed to yaoi way back in 2001 because of Gundam Seed/Wing and later Kingdom Hearts. It’s definitely been a wild ride through the years!
I started reading fanfiction about 15 years ago and I found myself gravitating towards gay ships most of the time. There wasn’t a lot of GL fanfic yet, so that mainly meant BL fanfic and honestly I didn’t understand why I loved it so much or why it resonated so much with me.
These days I’m out as bisexual (mostly sapphic, honestly) and now it all makes so much sense why I, as a closeted young teen who thought they were 100% straight, liked reading gay fanfic so much. 🙂 I was definitely not that open about it back then but these days I’m not shameful about the things I like!
Things have changed a lot over time. I like to watch BL drama now if I’m in the mood to watch something gay! 1000 Stars is my favourite at the moment. Media has come a long way, no longer (only) portraying BL with stereotypes and exaggerations. GL dramas aren’t around much yet but I am hopeful the genre catches up there as well. I don’t read a lot of manga, but my fanfiction habits haven’t changed much! Thank you for sharing your journey! I really don’t know why people have to be so nasty about this stuff.
I love this post and reflection so much. Aa cliche as it sounds, I always find that consuming BL and GL really drives the point home that LOVE is LOVE. As a cis-straight woman, I only know my love story. BL allows me to view and explore different types of love and relationships what I would never get to experience first hand. Plus I just LOVE love!!!
I’ve been liking BL for 20 years and my first BL was Gravitation. I remember I watched it with Eng subs bc it wasn’t available in my language haha
I’m so glad that BL is growing in popularity. I want companies to release more and more mangas.
Omg, my first yaoi anime was also Gravitation too in 2007. I was in middle school and my friend at the time had it in her binder. I thought what nice art, and she told me Shuuichi was a guy and my dumbass didn’t realize the picture was depicting at them as a couple because I was breathless when I saw Yuki kissing him. Pretty much that scene alone awaken my Fujoshi side, especially when another friend (still friends now) and I looked into more yaoi pairings.
NGL I almost thought you were her, but the first friend moved on from anime.
I’m sad that you experienced such blatant homophobia! I mostly hang out in queer-friendly Internet circles (like your blog!), so when I see such a negative comment, it’s always a shock. I love the post though, and here’s to your continuing journey with the Boys Love genre!
Growing up, I didn’t know queer people existed, so I was clueless about all the queer subtext in BBC Sherlock until someone explained it to me. Then a whole new world opened up! As for BL from East or SE Asia, I feel like I’m working backwards because my first the-guys-actually-kiss manga was Our Dreams at Dusk and right now I’m reading the Finder series. I enjoy it all, and look forward to many more years of happy reading 😀