Have you ever felt limited by normal dating sims? Maybe there’s a hot side character you wished you could date or maybe you wanted to date the villain… but were stuck romancing the boring old chiseled jawed love interests. Where’s the excitement in that?! Maybe you’re the adventurous sort who longs for romantic pursuits outside the normal conventions… Perhaps you’ve looked at the soft curves and plush cushions of your couch and thought, “yeah, that’s a sexy sectional!” No?
Okay, real talk most of us have never considered the romantic potential of our furniture, but in Date Everything, the comedic sandbox dating sim from Team 17 and Sassy Chap, we can! Boasting an expansive cast of 100 fully voiced inanimate dateables, Date Everything gives players the chance to date everything in your house, including the kitchen sink (though I will admit, he’s a bit out there, so good luck with Sinclaire)!
It’s definitely a pretty out there premise, that has garnered both excitement and criticism since it was announced. But, if there is space for the much beloved pigeon dating sim, Hatoful Boyfriend then there’s room for a game that lets me date my French rapping toilet…
About Date Everything!
In Date Everything you secure the customer service job of your (not) dreams at the totally not evil Valdivian… only to lose it the same day to AI… (yup, there’s a healthy dose of social commentary in this furniture dating game). But, you don’t get long to dwell on your newly unemployed status, when a mysterious stranger sends you a gift in the form of magical glasses called Dateviators—which through a lot of super scientific mumbo jumbo, lets you realize the existence of all the inanimate objects in your house!
Your new mission (if you choose to accept it): Run around your house and rizz up all the super mega foxy hot objects you own! Get to know the eccentric characters that make up your home, learn their stories and maybe even become friends… or lovers… or even enemies (if you’re into that sort of thing). The sky is the limit, and with 100 (or more) dateable objects to find, Date Everything is an entertaining and whacky good time to be had!
Checkout My Playthrough of the Demo!
I Will Never Look at My Washer and Dryer the Same Way Again!
Okay, so, I won’t pretend to have discovered everything in Date Everything, because there is a LOT to uncover. But, after about a week of ferreting around the 3D overworld of the game hunting down hotties, I am obsessed with this silly game! It’s just a lot of fun! Date Everything is a game that doesn’t take itself too seriously, playing up the jokes and puns in a way that is both self aware and surprisingly heartfelt. While the game is obviously meant to be funny, it isn’t slapdash, rather there is a lot of passion and thought behind every single line of dialogue and character design. Every detail is painstakingly rendered to bring this world and these characters to life and it works!
The game is a melting pot of cultures and personalities, that truly wants everyone to feel seen, heard, and loved—however that looks for each player. Whether that’s romance, friendship, loathing, or something else entirely. In Date Everything you aren’t held to the usual heteronormative conventions, you can explore these characters and this world however you see fit.
In fact, there are times when playing Date Everything that I actively shipped the characters with each other more than with my player character. Simply because they had more chemistry (and in the case of my estranged washer and dryer, because I like being messy). None of the dateables exist in a bubble, there is a fun, complex interplay between each and every one of the characters. Friendships, rivalries, romantic entanglements that you uncover as you spend time getting to know each of the characters in the game. Think Toy Story, just because Andy is away doesn’t mean Woody and Buzz don’t have lives of their own, right? Same concept.
This is a fully realized world that is just waiting to be explored and while it may seem silly on the surface, there is a crazy amount of thought that went into bringing Date Everything to life. This isn’t just another gimmick dating sim; dating furniture is just scratching the surface of what this game can be.
The gameplay is pretty simple, maneuver around the 3D sandbox that is your house while wearing your Dateviator glasses, focus on an object and shoot it with your date beams to bring forth its true form. Interact with the newly realized object, chat em up and hopefully win their affections. Wash rinse and repeat. Each interaction can earn you potential stats boosts that can be used to unlock special in-game choices and dialogue options.
If you’re having trouble locating a specific character, use the in-game app Roomers to get hints from other dateables on how to find them around the house. But, there is no pressure to speed run Date Everything, this is a game that you can tackle at your leisure.
One of the most notable features in Date Everything is Content Aware, which warns players before they encounter a character that may be uncomfortable for some players. When activated, Stella will appear on screen to detail the content warnings for the character and then give you the chance to continue engaging with the character or skip the interaction (no consequence).
For me, the most impressive aspect of Date Everything is just how much thought went into making this game. There are a 100 (or more if you get the Lavish DLC) characters to engage with and that is a lot of characters to write and design, but each one feels like their own unique individual. Thanks in part to the impressive voice cast who bring their own charm to these quirky characters. There are way too many to list out here, but personalities range from a thrill seeking band of hangers (all named Hank), our too cool for you influencer light, our oddly suave (if not a smidge creepy) HVAC, our type A laundry hamper and her slacker boyfriend—the embodiment of our dirty laundry, and our sassy, yet helpful cellphone, Phonecia… and that’s just a handful of the characters you’ll meet in Date Everything!
This is a game that you’ll want to take your time exploring to fully immerse yourself in these wonderful characters. Some are easier to find than others, but trust me when I say, they are all worth meeting!
There are so many identities and body types represented in Date Everything that speaks to the diversity that exists around us everyday. I’ve played quite a few romance games in my day and many of them tend to highlight more “conventional” beauty standards. Tone fit bodies, chiseled jawlines, and porcelain pale complexions are the norm, and as a Black curvy gal, I am tired of seeing the same ol same ol. The world is not a monolith, people (and objects) come in all shapes, sizes, shades, and hues and Date Everything is a celebration of all the things that make us so unique.
Honestly, I went into Date Everything not really expecting much. I’ve seen my fair share of gimmick dating sims over the years (I Love You Colonel Sanders was a wild time), and I do agree that many in the gaming industry seem to view romance games as a bit of a joke. But, just because the premise of Date Everyting is a bit silly doesn’t mean that a lot of heart didn’t go into making it. This is definitely a labor of love and that comes through in every single detail of Date Everything’s story, characters, and gameplay. Date Everything is silly, sure, but that doesn’t make it any less enjoyable to play! Hell, I’ve played some “serious” dating sims over the years that were just plain boring and forgettable. And, say what you will about Date Everything, but it is anything but boring!
Is it perfect? No, but it doesn’t try to be. Date Everything is a quirky, silly, and fun romp that will keep you entertained from start to finish. Whether you’re out to catch all the dateable objects or just looking for something to break up the monotony of everyday life, Date Everything is worth checking out! Be sure to pick it up when it drops on June 17th!!
Thank you to Team 17 and Sassy Chap for providing a copy of Date Everything for this review!
Omg thanks so much for this review. I’m always reading your stuff to see if something is worth playing or not, but this is the first time I’ve commented anything. I’m so very excited to play the game now!