Contrary to what some of you may believe playing otome games is hard work. Wooing 2D hotties is no easy feat, in some cases it’s harder than actually going out and getting a real lover… go figure. There’s a trick to it that can only be mastered through vigorous training and hours upon hours of in game practice. But, you dear readers are in luck! I did the hard work for you and compiled a list of five tried and true steps for anyone looking to bag the 2D hottie of their dreams! Yes, you read that right, I have taken it upon myself to write up a 5 step guide for wooing your otome game lover!
First, let me clarify, that this list is not meant to be used for wooing real life lovers… just, don’t, unless you’re cool with a little jail time. This is meant to be a tongue and cheek critique of some of the “unhealthy” methods used to woo love interests in otome games. As with any list, your mileage may vary, this is a very general list, so some tips may not work with every game or every character, just use your best judgement and of course have fun! This is meant to be fun…
Step Number 1: Choose Your Prey
Like a lioness on the prowl, you must first select your prey… I mean.. bishie, and with so many delectable options to choose from it can be hard to pick just one. So I highly recommend reading the character bios carefully, because you don’t want to wind up picking the wrong 2D lover.
Questions to consider: What archetype am I looking for? Is he the one for me? Can I see my self in a relationship with him?
Step Number 2: Learn Everything You Can About Bae
Now that you have set your sights on your otome bae, it’s time to study them! Crack out the notebooks and bring out those fancy gel pens, it’s time to analyze every single piece of dialogue in the prologue/common route like it’s the key to unlocking the meaning of life itself.
If he blinks, write it down. He hates the color yellow, highlight it. Leave no stone unturned! Remember, this is the virtual love of your life, no detail is insignificant!
Step Number 3: Become the MC Your Bae Wants
At some point in the story you will be presented with a choice that will determine the trajectory of your virtual romance. You can either stay true to yourself and hope that your chosen 2D bae loves you for who you are on the inside or you can lie through your teeth and pray that you can fake it just long enough to bag that sweet bishie booty. I recommend the latter…
Step Number 4: Stalk Your Crush Like Your Life Depends On It!
Wherever bae is that’s where you need to be! He likes to go to that coffee shop on the corner everyday after work? Then your ass better be there every damn day with his favorite mocha latte with extra whip and chocolate sprinkles in your hand. Does he usually go on a morning jog? Well, set that alarm, drink plenty of water, and buy a good pair of running shoes, ‘cus you and bae are now running buddies!
Channel your inner ninja and stalk your 2D bae, this is not a suggestion, this is a requirement, trust me he will appreciate your efforts.
Step Number 5: Forsake Any and Everything Non-Bae Related
Friends? What friends? Family? Who dis? When wooing your 2D lover, pay no mind to the rabble, your focus should be on your 2D bae, no one else matters! Let me repeat that for the people in the back, if they ain’t bae, stay the hell away!
Of course there are some instances where you might be required to associate with characters other than your bae, I know, the horror, but you must remain strong! Do not give in to the wiles of lesser scrubs, your true prize is your chosen bae… remember that!
Congratulations, You’re a Yandere!!
If you or anyone you know has ever implemented any of these steps in real life, I’m afraid that you might just be a yandere. Don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world, perhaps consider giving the object of your unrelenting obsession a bit of space or you know, maybe just limit yourself to just one phone call a day… baby steps.
For everyone else, I don’t recommend using any of these in real life…ever! But, for wooing 2D baes, unlocking your inner yandere is the key to having the virtual romance of your dreams! So go, woo your bae, and remember: you just have to keep up the facade until after you get that Good End! 🙂